Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
