This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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