Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
