I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
