I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
