I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
