I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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