the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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