I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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