my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
