Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
