It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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