hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
