Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
