after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
