You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
