I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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