After last night, I could never be a politician.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
