I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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