I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
