There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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