Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
