It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
