she woke up with a sticky ear
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
