you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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