i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
