we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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