Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
