I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
