Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
