I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
