I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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