i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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