wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
