So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
