I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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