He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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