he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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