I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
