no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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