We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
