My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
