you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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