I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
