Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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