im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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