I love black thongs
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
