I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
