Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
