Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
