His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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