he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
